Have you ever heard of a hyrax?

Haifa is full of paths and shortcuts for walkers.  We live in a neighborhood called Neve Shaanan, which is handy for catching a bus, but not for walking paths.  At least not yet.  I am in the process of seeking out hidden shortcuts to make it more feasible to walk home from schul and possibly even take stairs down the mountain into Hadar. 

Hadar is the central neighborhood in Haifa, is quite crowded and busy, and would be considered a high-crime neighborhood.  High-crime in that you need to lock your doors when you leave your house:  not high-crime in terms of drugs, murder, and gangs.  It is generally considered safe to walk alone at night even if you are female.  Going to Hadar is kind of like going to Tijuana, Mexico or Chinatown in San Francisco: there's a lot of shops hawking the same type of goods from store to store.  But Hadar is kind of a neat area and has some interesting coffee shops and cheap street food.


So I'm looking for stairs down the mountain hoping to reach Hadar and found some steep narrow stairs that wind down the mountain.  I followed them down around a 100 feet or so, only to have them dead-end and I huffed and puffed my way back up telling myself stair-climbing is very good exercise.  Once back on the street, instead of going back home, I continued my shortcut search and shortly came upon some more steps and down I went.  A few cats stared at me like I was crazy, apparently humans don't use these steps and low and behold another dead end. 

Did I learn my lesson?  Nope, I found yet another stairway and went down those coming to another dead end mid-way down the mountain.  Someone had thrown out a old couch on the side of the hill, and I saw several animals huddled together.  All but two scattered when they saw me.

They were about the size of cats, but their ears were too little and their faces more rat-like.  In fact, I wondered if I had stumbled upon huge Israeli rats.  From what I could tell, they didn't have much of a tail, and their fur seemed soft.  I stared and they stared, then one ran away and the other just hung around. 

Back up the stairs, I had to stop and rest and admire a tree in bloom with bright red flowers that looked like little feathers clumped together.  Once home I described to David the animal I saw.  We researched it on-line and at first thought it was a hedgehog.  But hedgehogs have spines rather than soft fur and I could have sworn the animals I saw were furry rather than spiny.  What's more the animals scattered and hedgehogs, rather than run, tend to curl up in tight balls.  Then I found a description and photograph of the animals I saw, and they are called hyraxes.   You can check them out for yourself at http://www.awf.org/content/wildlife/detail/hyrax. 

Almost every night as I try to go to sleep, I hear a really loud whistle, like somebody is whistling for their dog or something.   In my imagination it is bad guys whistling an all-clear for whatever clandestine activity they might be up to.  But then it happens three or four times.  Well, apparently hyraxes make whistle noises and that's what I've been hearing.  How cool is that?

Jerusalem, Oh Jerusalem

After being in Israel for nearly three months, we finally left Haifa and took a day-trip to Jerusalem.  David's nephew -- heretofore called Zach since he didn't give me permission to use his real name -- is studying at a Yeshiva in Jerusalem for six months.  It is always a delight to spend time with Zach and he gave us a walking tour of Jerusalem.

First of all, there are two Jerusalem's, sort of.  Modern Jerusalem is equivalent to cities in the United States, complete with malls of grandeur and a tribute to marketing and capitalism.  The Jerusalem mall where we met Zach could have been Any Mall USA and was not like the functional, drably-lit indoor shopping centers found in Haifa.  Many of the houses, apartments and other buildings are built on and along the hills and the city is quite beautiful.  In fact, Jerusalem is one of the most beautiful cities I have been to.  Zach asked me just how many major cities I've visited.  That's hard to say exactly, most are in the US, and I would gage the number to be around 30.  

En route, the train was delayed for about 30 minutes.  We had to back up and wait at the station in the town where the Haredi were spitting on Jewish girls for not dressing modestly enough.  Although my arms and legs were covered, I was a bit nervous.  Fortunately, no one spit on me.

When we arrived in J. it was well past lunch time.  We met Zach at the mall, and instead of partaking in some of Jerusalem's better food offerings, we ate in the food court in the mall.  Zach opted for MacDonald's since it was one of the 30% that are kosher.  While we were eating, a nice old woman came by with a plastic cup.  I didn't understand what she wanted, but Zach gave her a few shekels and she went away.  

Zach said he was helping the needy, i.e. tzadakah, David called the old woman a schnorer, although he admitted she was nice about it.  Then, or as they say in Hebrew, ah-har-chok (I'm not going to tell you how I remember that word) another schnorer came by wanting money.  She even had a little brochure.  When we didn't give her any money, she took her brochure back with a huff.

The night before going to Jerusalem I was kind of worried about riding the city bus -- with the potential for bombings, etc. Nevertheless, once there, I got onto buses and trains without a second thought.  Two days later, David read me a news story about how a female Israeli soldier was stabbed by a Palestinian on the same train-line we rode.  

In Haifa, we have a bus pass that is good for buses within the city.  In other words, we wouldn't be able to use the pass to take a bus from Haifa to Jerusalem or Tel Aviv, we can only ride around in Haifa.  Well, the same bus system is used throughout Israel, and so we tried our pass on the Jerusalem city bus and it worked.  We were given a transfer, and on the city-train a transit official was checking for passes.  

Well, maybe he saw something on the transfer that indicated Haifa instead of Jerusalem, and he demanded to see David's ID.  He took the ID and kept it for almost the entire ride. While he had the ID, it was kind of scary because we had no idea what was going on or even why he wanted it in the first place. Were we going to be kicked off the train? Arrested?  Forced to pay 6.60 shekels (around $1.75) for the fare?   The trip took maybe 15 minutes, and the security official held onto the ID almost the entire time.  After making several phone calls, presumably to verify David's veracity, the ID was returned and we proceeded toward Old Jerusalem.  

Old Jerusalem is a walled city, a citadel.  The outer wall was destroyed and later rebuilt by the Ottomans so is only 500 years old, young compared to many of the inner walls of which might be 2000 years or older.  There are parts of Old J. that are drivable, as in one-way only and be prepared to go about 5mph.  Most of Old J. must be walked as the streets are too narrow and since Jerusalem is built on hills, steps to go up and down.  All the roads in Old J. are paved with rectangular tiles, the same off-white/light-tan materials of which the buildings are constructed.  The tiled streets are smooth and well-worn:  a lot of traffic goes through Old J.  Throughout Old J. are plenty of shops, street venders, and small food markets.

There are four quarters to Old J:  Armenian, Jewish, Arab and Christian, although Armenians are Christians too (Eastern Orthodox).

As we entered the archway of Old J., there were a couple of people begging or schnoring. We found ourselves in the Armenian sector, and I was amazed at how much of a tourist trap Old J. really is.  I mean it is tourist trap to the max.  We wandered through the Armenian sector down alleyways and side streets into the Jewish Quarter and went to the Western Wall.  Where else?

Going down the steps to the Wall we came upon even more schnorers.  One guy came up to David and started praying in his ear, all in Hebrew of course.  I watched the guy as he was whispering his prayer to David, and it seemed to me it was all a big joke to rip-off tourists.  For all we know instead of prayers, the guy was hurling insults and saying vulgarities.  Finished with the prayer, he expected payment.  David gave him a few shekels and the guy was not pleased, but didn't kick him or anything like that.  

Having seen pictures of the Wall, it looked pretty much like the photographs.  We had to go through a security check and found ourselves in a huge courtyard.  I went to the female side and David and Zach went to the male side.  The female side was really crowded and there were hundreds of orthodox women praying and reading at the Wall.  

I'm sorry to say, the Wall didn't feel like a Holy Place to me, it felt like a tourist spot.  When I was at the wall, I looked up hoping to see G-d, and saw a beautiful blue sky.  I didn't feel closer to G-d at the wall, of course, feeling close or connected to G-d is something I never feel and have never felt.  I'm so jealous of those people who have that connection, but having never felt it am a bit skeptical about whatever it is they claim to be feeling.  

Never mind.

So after leaving the wall, we walked around Old J.  This ancient city is so cool.  There's tunnels and interesting paths...it's hard to describe, but it is really neat.  Individual quarters are not marked, so you don't know when you're leaving the Armenian Quarter and entered the Jewish.  Nevertheless, we hit all the Quarters, even the Arab.

When we were in the Arab Quarter a little boy saw Zach and ran up to him and went, "R-rr-ow!"  I thought he was being a cute, a rambunctious kid.  Neither Zach nor the boy's father thought it was cute.  Then I realized the reason the boy did that is because he is Palestinian and being taught Jews are bad, evil, and need to be killed.  David told me that same kid threw a rock at us but missed.  I was so entranced with Old J.,  I didn't notice any tensions at all in the Arab section.  But David said he did and was uncomfortable there.

Here's what David didn't like about Jerusalem:  the schnoring.

Here's what I didn't like about Jerusalem:  nothing.  Okay, it does snow and get really cold in Jerusalem, and I don't like that, but the weather was fine the day we came.  I liked everything about the city. The city has it all!  If Israel is the center of religious/political controversy and global unrest, Jerusalem is the hub.  

Zach, if you're reading this, here are some of the cities I've been in:  Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, Haifa, London, Edinburgh, New York, Boston, Chicago, Atlanta, Miami, New Orleans, Denver, Phoenix, Washington DC, Seattle, San Francisco, San Diego, Tijuana, Belize City, Matamoros, Dallas, Houston, Amarillo, Kansas City, Minneapolis, Oklahoma City, Portland, San Jose, Oakland, Sacramento, Salt Lake City, Mazatlan, Nashville, Cleveland, Vancouver, Baltimore, and your home town of Louisville to name a few.  

 

Is there humor in the Middle East?

Maybe there's nothing to laugh about here, after all, last night a terrorist group located in the Gaza strip fired several bombs at Israel.  Fortunately, nothing hit.

Okay, little secret, I have dream of being a stand-up comic.  There's just one problem:  I'm not funny.

But I try to be, and so I figured out how to say in Hebrew, "I understand zero Hebrew. " Not funny, but kind-of creative right?  I made that statement to a man who was asking where I was from blah, blah, blah and he looked at me like he didn't understand what the hell I was talking about.  Okay, so that line is not going to work.

It is common to explain to native Hebrew speakers that we are "olim hadasheem," i.e. new immigrants.  Once explained, Israelis become very kind and understanding.  Well, David and I are blundering through this new culture with very little help.  We are figuring things out by trial and error, mostly error.

So we've started calling ourselves in a humorous way, stupid olim.  I learned how to say, "we are stupid olim," in Hebrew and tried that line out on a lady.  She didn't even crack a smile, just furrowed her brow and looked confused.  I guess she didn't understand the idea of self-deprecation as humor.

My question is, what is funny to Israelis?

The other day we had the internet service installer come over, and he spoke English quite well.  For the record, except in certain areas, DSL is the only method available to get online.  I asked him, "Do Israelis have a sense of humor?  Do they tell jokes and laugh."

He said, "Yes absolutely."

I said, "I rarely even see Israelis smile, and I've never heard a laugh."

And he said, "Well, they're all depressed."

"Because of the situation with their neighbors?"

"No, not just that, because they're in Israel."

Now see that was funny.

Nothing is Free

We were given a free washing machine through the conservative synagogue, and were elated as we are currently paying around 100-shekels a week to have our laundry done.  Self-service laundromats where you put quarters into machines to wash and dry your clothes are either completely unavailable here or very rare.  Instead, the laundromat is a person who runs a shop with a washing machine and dryer and she does the laundry for you and gives it back three or four days later smelling wonderful and professionally folded.

My laundromat lady is really nice.  She is from Russia and doesn't speak a word of English.  Somehow with my 10 words of Hebrew, we've figured out how to complete laundry transactions.  She knows me as Gana.  I love having my clothes professionally laundered, but it is expensive, and I can't afford to have the sheets and blankets cleaned as often as I would prefer.

So the washing machine was a G-d-send.  Except nothing is free.

Our apartment has a little nook for a washing machine.  There is a one-hose attachment  for the incoming water, and a hole in the wall leading to the bathroom so the water can drain out into the bathtub.  Ahhh, modern conveniences.

I had concerns about the washing machine working.  It does work.  In fact, it works, and works, and works and never stops.  We did a trial load of sheets, knowing I could hang them on the clothesline and they would dry in a few hours.  I started the machine at 9am and at 11am, it was still going through a wash cycle.  We manually made it go into the spin cycle and finally it stopped.

After two hours of being washed, the sheets came out really clean.  I hung them on the clothesline outside the bedroom window to dry.  For the record, when you're on the ground hanging clothes on a clothesline it is a rather pleasant activity.  When you're leaning out of a 3rd floor window of a building built alongside a mountain so the drop is even greater than three stories, hanging out clothes is really hard...and kind of scary.  I'm rather short and really had to reach out there.

When we originally plugged in the washing machine -- and that's all we did, we didn't turn it on, we didn't do anything else, we just plugged in the washing machine -- the electricity in the apartment went off.  The act of plugging in the washing machine blew the circuit breaker.  Then after doing the sheets and finally making the machine stop, we left it plugged in.  Later that day we started having electrical surges.  So we unplugged the washing machine and the electrical surges have stopped.

How could this even be happening??  This doesn't seem possible in terms of physics to have an appliance plugged in the appropriate outlet, not even in use, and yet it causes electrical surges.  Is this Israeli appliance engineering at its worst or crappy wiring?

The Conservative Synagogue

There is a conservative synagogue in Haifa that really reaches out to help the English-speaking olim. Russian olim have all kinds of help but everyone else -- not so much.  David figured out why the Russians are spoiled over all other olim and that is because many of the Russians coming over have technical expertise which Israel wants to take advantage of.  Israel already benefits from US technology, but it is always good to know about the technology from countries that support your enemy.  Thus Russians get the royal treatment.

Olim like David and I, have to rely on people like Rabbi Dubi, as in the Doobie Brothers, as in Scooby-Doo Where are You.  That's really his name.  He is the Rabbi at a American-style conservative synagogue where women are equal and play a role in the 3-hour Saturday morning service.  He has really helped us a lot and now we're obligated to become members of the synagogue and when we start making money, donate to the cause -- and we hope to do that someday.  

Here's some things Rabbi Dooby and his secretary have helped with:  translating our phone bill, translating the lease, translating other things, helping get us a washing machine and bed.  Stuff like that.

We have learned that you do not call and set an appointment to see the rabbi, like you would in an American synagogue.  You just show up.  If someone is there, they will help.  If they're not there, come again some other time.

We were hunting down Rabbi Dubi the other day and he wasn't around.  What we thought was a bus ride for nothing turned out to be serendipity.  We met a woman who moved to Israel 62 years ago.  She was from France and said after helping build the nation was still considered olim.  She said when she arrived, Haifa was all forest.  She also had nothing good to say about Arabs or Obama.

There was a black guy who was working on a computer and he spoke English perfectly.  Like an idiot I said, "Oh, are you Ethiopian?"  He took it in stride and was very kind, but turned out to be American olim and 3-years in Israel with a Obama-like background his mother being Jewish.

I asked if he was Ethiopian because I am fascinated with their story and want to talk to them about their experiences in Ethiopia and moving to Israel.  In Ethiopia, of all places, they discovered blacks practicing the religion very similar to how it is practiced everywhere else.  They did DNA and found Jewish genes, and the Israeli government began the process of bringing them out of 3rd-world poverty into 2nd-world poverty which must seem like science fiction and immense wealth to people who were without electricity and running water.  They seem to be adapting nicely.

Here's the weird thing, the Ethiopian Jews look more Jewish than the Russian Jews.  David and I were walking and passed by an Ethiopian Jew kvetching at his wife.  Who needs DNA, the kvetching said it all.

Then we met a man who has the same first name as I do, except the J is pronounced with a Y-sound.  His wife is from the Philippines and they have a 15-year old daughter.  They used to live in California and moved to Israel 5-months ago.  Their experiences mirrored ours.  In fact, they stayed in the same temporary housing we did!  The exact same unit and all she could remember was the bad smell coming out of the toilet.  Yeah, I guess I forgot to blog about that, but I kept sprinkling Ajax down there and that helped with the odor. 

They had the same project coordinator as we did, and she pulled the same thing with them as she did us.  When we first arrived, she was like don't worry about finding a place, then it was hurry up and move.  Rabbi Dubi found them a place and is helping them get furniture too.  The wife is cleaning houses, Rabbi Dubi being one of her clients.  

Here's the weird thing.  The cat that I fed, they fed too.  And just like what happened to me, two little girls came over and claimed the cat belonged to them.

Like everyone else who has gone to Ulpan, they still don't know much Hebrew and are one month from graduating.  After Level 1 of Pimsleur, we are about as comfortable as they are in speaking.  David and I are seriously debating whether or not to do Ulpan or simply learn Hebrew ourselves.  We met an English speaking immigrant who works at the grocery store and she speaks Hebrew fluently and she never went to Ulpan.  

However, Ulpan is free to olim and it seems a shame to pass on an educational opportunity.  Since we have a year to enroll, we're going to continue with Pimsleur and see how well we are doing with the language in May or June.  At that time, if we think Ulpan will enhance what we already know we'll start it then.